Revenge of the Nerds Part 1
Well I suppose I asked for it, allowing all and sundry to make comments on my blog. I guess I was hoping for mild criticism, enthusiastic support, offers of matrimony and perhaps a small publishing deal. Sadly your Hogga has been chastised, taken to task and generally slagged off by some anonymous and grudge-laden berk posing under the pseudonym of "candy". Not chosen in line with his/her/its innate sweet nature, this nom de guerre, that much is plain.
And a good day for me to respond in kind to this disputatious contumely. It is the 11th of November - a cool and drizzly autumn day in London, a day on which I am a little more sombre than usual in remembrance of friends and relatives dead in wars (it being Armistice Day), in remembrance of times past and good things gone (it being the 40th anniversary of Rhodesia's UDI) and in wistful memory of my departed love (it being what would have been my 10th wedding anniversary). So all in all a perfect juxtaposition of moods, a suitable mind frame from which to answer this overblown, misspelled, turgid and mean-spirited attack from a stranger. A stranger, mind you, who seems to have supplemented their usual diet of bile ducts and gall stones with a somewhat faulty copy of Roget's Thesarus. I can picture her now (and I am assuming the nominally feminine gender for reasons explained later), crouched in her lair and surrounded by a miasma of disappointments, rejections and menopause remedies, tapping out this spiteful little missive with two talons on a battered and spittle-flecked keyboard.
Whatever it is that sets off these online bag ladies, I have no idea. Were it my dating profile then I could understand it a little better. I have indeed had very similar letters from other thwarted denizens of the social underworld, attacking my desire to marry someone from vaguely the same ethnic, religious, educational and economic group as myself. Nothing more filled with wattle-shaking fury than a woman ignored or not even shortlisted, never mind scorned. I kid you not, I get angry messages from people who describe themselves as "late forties, incomplete secondary education, large frame, atheist, heavy smoker, not interested in sport, unemployed, sharing a council house, never married, five children" who are seriously annoyed that I don't want to date them.
In fact the more I think of it the more it seems to me that I have seen this similar prose style before. This kind of gasping emesis, whole hordes of big words cobbled together in no particular order and concealing a real and nasty hatred of anyone a little different. Ha ha, what a plonkerette. I think it is a rejected date who has followed the link to my blog from the dating site.
Well then let's see her off, skirts held high and bounding over the brambles. So, "candy" dear, I am sorry but I regret we are not suited. I know how much you really like me, deep down, and any other man would be happy to share a kennel with someone of your undoubted charms, but sadly I am a weak and needy individual who must lean on a slim, attractive, gentle, kind, educated, Christian, Caucasian woman with a nice nature. And apart from your unknown ethnic roots I have no doubt that you don't qualify on all the rest. So , with respect, please go bother someone else and leave me to my admittedly egocentric musings on this blog. After all, that's what blogs are for.
And a good day for me to respond in kind to this disputatious contumely. It is the 11th of November - a cool and drizzly autumn day in London, a day on which I am a little more sombre than usual in remembrance of friends and relatives dead in wars (it being Armistice Day), in remembrance of times past and good things gone (it being the 40th anniversary of Rhodesia's UDI) and in wistful memory of my departed love (it being what would have been my 10th wedding anniversary). So all in all a perfect juxtaposition of moods, a suitable mind frame from which to answer this overblown, misspelled, turgid and mean-spirited attack from a stranger. A stranger, mind you, who seems to have supplemented their usual diet of bile ducts and gall stones with a somewhat faulty copy of Roget's Thesarus. I can picture her now (and I am assuming the nominally feminine gender for reasons explained later), crouched in her lair and surrounded by a miasma of disappointments, rejections and menopause remedies, tapping out this spiteful little missive with two talons on a battered and spittle-flecked keyboard.
Whatever it is that sets off these online bag ladies, I have no idea. Were it my dating profile then I could understand it a little better. I have indeed had very similar letters from other thwarted denizens of the social underworld, attacking my desire to marry someone from vaguely the same ethnic, religious, educational and economic group as myself. Nothing more filled with wattle-shaking fury than a woman ignored or not even shortlisted, never mind scorned. I kid you not, I get angry messages from people who describe themselves as "late forties, incomplete secondary education, large frame, atheist, heavy smoker, not interested in sport, unemployed, sharing a council house, never married, five children" who are seriously annoyed that I don't want to date them.
In fact the more I think of it the more it seems to me that I have seen this similar prose style before. This kind of gasping emesis, whole hordes of big words cobbled together in no particular order and concealing a real and nasty hatred of anyone a little different. Ha ha, what a plonkerette. I think it is a rejected date who has followed the link to my blog from the dating site.
Well then let's see her off, skirts held high and bounding over the brambles. So, "candy" dear, I am sorry but I regret we are not suited. I know how much you really like me, deep down, and any other man would be happy to share a kennel with someone of your undoubted charms, but sadly I am a weak and needy individual who must lean on a slim, attractive, gentle, kind, educated, Christian, Caucasian woman with a nice nature. And apart from your unknown ethnic roots I have no doubt that you don't qualify on all the rest. So , with respect, please go bother someone else and leave me to my admittedly egocentric musings on this blog. After all, that's what blogs are for.
posted by Shane Hodgson at 5:53 pm
1 Comments:
Hardly sporting, engaging in a battle of wits with the unarmed :)
You can however (as "candy" takes pains to mention) throw words together in a reasonable fashion! Keep it up.
It strikes me that the post comes from someone who knows you, as there are too many bits that dig at you which don't come from the musings posted here.
Never mind, noli illigitimi corrundum.
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