Internet dating and genetics

One of the strange experiences I have had over the last two years is arranging dates over the internet. Now the Hogga is a resourceful and technologically savvy bloke, and also (if truth be told) somewhat shy about propositioning strange ladies in the pubs. And my frame, while sturdy and square, is not designed to look seductive in body-hugging disco clothing while my dancing has been likened to badly controlled epilepsy. So I took to online romance as a workable alternative.

Now this is indeed a strange thing. Being an impulsive wally, and somewhat peeved at the departure of my wife with a Pom (an insult to all colonials), I wallpapered the Web with my love cv. Specifying clearly (and later more stridently after a deluge of letters from Senegal and Uganda) that I am looking for a Caucasian and younger lady to start a family etc etc. And of course coming up with a list of physical criteria.

And thereby lies the rub. It is possible to set up a structured search for absolutely any kind of person. So for example a younger, short, attractive, childless, Christian redhead with blue eyes could be the search terms used (although I don't dare use those ones after what happened the last time, sadly I ended up marrying her!). Now in statistical terms this is known as restriction of range, and casts doubts on the validity of any generalisations made about women based on this sample. And in fairness to the aforementioned Celtic midgets, my previous long term relationships (LTR's in the dating jargon) have been with women who differ substantially from each other. Looks, intellect, temperament - each was almost the opposite of the others. There is, in short, no ideal Mrs. Hogga - although those who know me well may suggest such traits as tolerance, patience, hypersexuality and a serious interest in travel. I do have some general considerations about race and religion, and the usual wishful male requirements for someone attractive who adores me, but as stated there is no real type or look that appeals to me above others. Apart from a lingering redheadophilia (which I plan to cure by visiting the London Zoo and making ook ook noises at the orangoutangs) I am a tabula rasa, a blank slate waiting for the right author.

So a word to all my many readers - scour the list of your friends and acquaintances and if you can think of anyone who might fit, then drop me a line. If you are Lee Waters in Australia, ignore this instruction and I am very sorry about what happened with your wife's best friend. In mitigation I was coming off almost a year of celibacy and the summer sun in Brisbane played merry hell with my inhibitions.

But seriously, what a noble project! I think I have an evolutionary duty to spread my genes and if you can locate a willing, Caucasian, Celtic looking lady to take on the solemn task of incubating a new brood of Hoggas, posterity will thank you. As will I - being single is not as much fun as advertised...

Off to a job interview now, better put on my work face.